Trish: “I love getting spanked!”
Charlotte: “I love having my hair pulled!”
One Step Away from a Complete Matching Set
May 23, 2012
Joyce took one last look around the jewelry department at Dillard’s before swiping a triple-strand pearl bracelet to go with the necklace she lifted the week before.
Sixty Seconds Later, All Their Clothes Were in a Tangled Pile of Goldenrod and Turquoise
May 22, 2012
“So….do you mind when a man cries during sex?”
After Every Visit with Janie, She Rewarded Herself with a Forty from the AM/PM
May 20, 2012
Whenever her sister Janie insisted on going over all the plans and details of her upcoming 300-guest, Cinderella-themed wedding, Jonie pulled up her hoodie and did all she could not to roll her eyes or yawn.
Take THAT Tame Cream Rinse
May 11, 2012
For the longest time, she wore yellow everyday and insisted that everyone call her “Sunshine.”
Until June 2, 1977, when the Captain & Tennille show was cancelled and she lost her modeling contract with Tame Cream Rinse. Within days, she went back to being Martha Linkleburn and returned to her old job as a check-out clerk at Piggly Wiggly.
Today, she’s Regional Manager in Charge of Pork Distribution and owns a sprawling 3000-square foot ranch style house on five acres.
One of These Is Not Like the Other
May 4, 2012
1. Fuchsia and gold geometric print zip-up cardigan
2. Farrah Fawcett hair
3. Fully-loaded shotgun in the middle of Central Park
It Was Time for Jean to Face Reality About Her Husband’s “Hobby”
May 3, 2012
“Damnit, Bruce has been raiding my closet again. He’s ruined 26 outfits over the past six years. How many dresses do I have to lose before he snaps out of it?”
Poster Child For Shoplifters Anonymous
May 2, 2012
Having woken up in a particularly feisty mood and downed three double espressos before 9:00am, Beverly heads downtown with her largest clutch, ready for her Friday “Treasure Hunt.”
Eerily Calm, Stoic and Resolute
April 30, 2012
Imogene’s friends were transfixed as she stood quietly – as if in a sunset-induced trance – while her husband Perry began to bump and grind with their daughter’s college roommate right in the middle of their nephew’s pirate-themed Bar Mitzvah. By the time Perry had moved out and relocated to a one-bedroom condo, the punch line of the story had turned to, “And then Imogene gave Perry the old heave-ho and off the plank he went! Aaaarrggggh!”
Ross Told Her He’d Been in Akron For Business, But His Vegas Hotel Receipt Told a Different Story
April 27, 2012
After smashing the windshield of his vintage Porsche, drowning his beloved Star Wars action figure set in a tub of bleach and burning the one and only typewritten draft of the novel he’d been working on for the past two years, Fiona put on her favorite rainbow dress, sat down for a rest and thought about unicorns.
Happy Endings All the Way Around
April 26, 2012
Cheri: After Pupcakes – her doggie cupcake bakery – went bankrupt, she fled the city and eventually became a truck driver.
JoJo: Found work in the San Fernando Valley film porn industry with roles such as “irate customer”, “perky nail salon owner” and “bi-curious postal worker.”
Anita: While waitressing at a truck stop in Des Moines, she ran into Cheri on the late-night shift. Ten months later, they were writing their commitment vows and picking out curtains together.
For Iris, It Worked Every Time
April 25, 2012
The Skinkle Sisters were always trying to one-up each other in the flirtation department whenever Pete showed up to clean their pool. In the end, it was Iris – with her sassy strappy jumper and fondness for blow jobs – that won his affections.
The Moment They’ve Waited a Lifetime For
April 9, 2012
As their younger step-sister Rita drove away from the Paris-themed engagement party thrown for her by her sorority sisters, Ellen and Bev stood quietly with the image of Rita’s fiancee making out with the country club manager Connie Deaton by the custodian closet, a discovery they made by accident when searching for the second floor ladies room.
Bobby Isn’t Sure Whether His Tennis Coach is Insanely Cool or Just Plain Creepy
April 6, 2012
“Yo Bobby, what do you say we go smoke some weed and watch some porn in the locker room?”
“Look at that, would ya? He’s wearing a sequin headband!”
April 4, 2012
The Shingle Sisters were out for their morning walk, when, as per their usual routine, they stopped by Tim Vinnershnickle’s apartment building to watch him perform naked tai chi. Greta and Gabrielle were over it, but it still sent Gerda and Gilda into hysterics.
Never Mind Why They Were Doing What They Were Doing, It’s All About the Love
April 2, 2012
Whenever anyone asked how they met, Stanley would get that mischievous smile on his face and look at Paula, who always told the story better than he did. Everyone always laughed themselves silly when she described slipping off the pole and landing in Stanley’s lap with her stiletto in his tequila sunrise and her g-string caught on the rim of his eyeglasses.
“That Paula and Stanley”, they’d say, “You never know what to expect from those two crazy lovebirds.”
The Real Inspiration Behind Hall & Oates’s 1982 Hit Single “Maneater”
March 30, 2012
Within a year of moving to the south side of town, Noreen was known as simply “That Homewrecking Tramp”, a title she relished with disturbing enthusiasm.
Lizbeth: Portrait of Today’s Woman
March 28, 2012
What modern gal doesn’t love spending an evening alone snuggled up beneath her favorite afghan and crackin’ some nuts?
How Edna Got Her Groove Back
March 26, 2012
Month One: Devastated after husband Burt left her for Greta, the Tuesday night cocktail waitress at the C & C supper club
Month Two: Started a Twitter Account – @lovebutterflyknits
Month Three: President of the Amherst Lesbian Ladies Auxiliary and Social Director of their Friday night knitting circle
